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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Corpse Bride Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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No, this isn’t a sequel or a spin-off to Tim Burton’s 1993 classic The Nightmare Before Christmas, although it certainly does look like one on first glance.  Not that it’s a rip-off either, as this is a self-contained movie with its own themes and sense of style, although there isn’t much else that we haven’t seen before from Burton’s dreamland of ideas.  Still, this is as polished and fully realized an animated feature as there has been for some time, and even if Burton isn’t treading any new ground, no one else is really doing the same kind of movie.  At a mere 76 minutes, it feels just right, in this escapist creation that delights not only with sights and sounds, but even offers an oddly touching romance that you might not expect.

Burton favorite Johnny Depp (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Finding Neverland) supplies the voice of the main protagonist, Victor Van Dort, who is about to enter an arranged marriage with Victoria Everglot (Emily Watson, Equilibrium), an innocent victim of a formerly rich family looking to capitalize on the marriage by restoring wealth to their family again.  Victor has trouble reciting his marriage vows, but he finally gets them right while practicing in the dark woods on the way home, little realizing that there is a woman there to accept his marriage proposal in the form of a corpse (Helena Bonham Carter, Big Fish) buried just beneath.  No longer able to marry Victoria, Victor must find a way back to claim the woman he fancies, although his new corpse bride has many qualities he admires, and he is conflicted between accepting his fate in the netherworld for eternity or going back above ground to marry his living love interest.

Corpse Bride is a beautiful stop-motion animation so finely realized that you’d swear it was computer animated.  Everything is sumptuously presented, intricate in minute detail, making this an eye-candy lover’s delight from start to finish.  Burton’s partner in rhyme, Danny Elfman (Spider-Man 2, Hulk), provides another memorable score, and even supplies a few songs to the soundtrack that enhance the overall experience.  It is a film bursting at the seams with a talented group of people that have spent most of their careers making just this sort of thing, so in many ways, the fact it doesn’t miss should come as little surprise.

If there is a downside, it’s from the aforementioned similarity to Nightmare Before Christmas, from the look of the characters to the manner in which it is presented — visual gags mixed with musical numbers.  Perhaps it would have been better to have made Corpse Bride reside in the same universe as Nightmare, if only to have the similarities between the two films make perfect sense.  This is a minor issue, mind you, as you probably will still be enrapt in the story and vivid imagination once it all gets going.

Burton’s fanatics will once again have reason to rejoice, as he has crafted another animated fantasy that definitely delivers in quality, although some of his more critical fans may feel that he is stepping back rather than growing as a filmmaker with this entry.  Sure, Burton is digging up ideas buried long ago, but like the dead characters portrayed in the film, Corpse Bride shows there is still a lot of life left in them.

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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Half Light Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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The Movie

Cinematic Sominex that feels like it was tailor-made for immediate simultaneous broadcast on the Lifetime Channel and the Oxygen Network, Half Light is a thriller with no thrills, a drama with no drive, and a romance with no heart. Ridiculously overused plot devices, blatantly bland concepts, and effortlessly predictable occurences … those it’s got in spades.

Demi Moore, apparently free of all that “career resurgence” that her performance in Charlie’s Angels 2 provided, stars here as world-famous novelist Rachel Carlson, a woman shattered by the accidental drowning of her young son and looking for a big healthy dose of solitude in her big creepy cottage inside a deserted Scottish village. Which is on an island.

Why authors struck by family tragedies seem predisposed towards holing themselves up in isolation is anybody’s guess, but I think it comes from the fact that screenwriters are lazy.

So if you’ve already assumed that A) Rachel starts seeing visions of her dead son, B) that she begins writing with next to no trouble at all, and C) she finds a young Oyrish lighthouse keeper to warm her bed at night, then you’ve probably already seen all the movies that writer/director Craig Rosenberg has.

To be fair, the movie is packed with beautiful and majestic vistas of the small Scottish village (even though Half Light was shot in Wales). Unfortunately, Mr. Rosenberg is so smitten with his exteriors that he lingers endlessly on the sweeping exposition shots, all of which are set to the strains of the weepiest violin strains and tinkly piano-doodlings this side of Musical Purgatory.

On and on plods Half Light, doling out perhaps one identifiable plot point every 9.5 minutes. There are numerous flashbacks and ponderous dream sequences that punctuate the airy narrative, but they add very little emotional resonance while making a chore of a movie feel a whole lot longer. The still-lovely Ms. Moore does a fine job with a single-note character, although asking a veteran actor to pull off a role like this is like asking an old-school baker to make you one single cookie.

Bottom line? Half Light is a movie that trots out the old “You can’t have talked to [Character X] last night! [Character X] has been dead for seven years!” schpiel, and treats the thing like it’s still got some juice in the batteries.

The DVD

Video: On one hand, I could say that the movie is presented in a pretty damn crisp and impressive widescreen format, but the screener disc I was asked to review had disclaimers running through the movie, plus the color would occasionally (intentionally) switch over to black & white every 10 minutes. How this method is meant to prevent movie piracy, I’ve no idea, but I can’t offer a grade here with any sort of accuracy.

Audio: Dolby Digital 2.0, with the omnipresent score oozing out of my every speaker.

Extras: The screener I watched had just a bunch of trailers on it.

Final Thoughts

I just don’t get it. Demi Moore could have signed on for any variety of studio flicks after Charlie’s Angels 2, yet her next effort is an obscure, no-name, and rather boring psycho-thriller that nobody will express a whole lot of interest in. Maybe the gal needs a new agent or something, but I’d like to see her make a real comeback someday soon.
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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Simpsons Movie, The Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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Simpsons Movie, The

“D’OH!” The most famous and most iconic line ever said in the cartoon universe, and that line is said from no other than Homer Simpson , the man with a brain a size of a hamster…ok, peanut. The Simpsons is one of the most popular cartoon family in the whole world, starting in 1989 as a small time tv series, which ended up big 18 years later as a big screen blockbuster hit movie. The Simpsons has some of the most memorable quotes ever said by a cartoon/American family. The Simpsons Movie is no different, the comedic charm and quotes are still there and are once again definitely memorable. From spider pig to Tom Hanks telling us not to talk to him if we see him in person, the laughs keep on coming from beginning to end. The animations are sleeker, the music is amazingly well done, the voice overs are once again hilarious, the story is interesting and a pig walks on a ceiling, what could be better? Seriously though, there’s only so much Simpsons you can take, its hard to make new jokes without using some old’s ones to refresh your memory, but some oldies are definitely goodies. The movie definitely has its cliche moments, but cartoons do that to you, but that’s ok.

The movie opens up with an Itchy and Scratchy moment, and moment in which will upset you simply because Itchy and Scratchy is always full of blood and violence… the violence is there, but the blood isn’t. Moving on, we quickly find out that the itchy and scratchy cartoon is being played on a cinema screen, and then we see homer get up, blocking everyone’s view, tells the viewers (the crowd in the cinema) a little joke in which I will not say, just so you can enjoy it when you see it. Following that, we have the famous Simpsons intro with a couple of different scenes etc… Good little movie, great follow up to the cartoons, its only missing something and I can’t quite put my finger on it.

This is definitely a more thrilling Simpsons. Heart pumping music, epic scenes and thrilling suspense…ok, well not that much suspense, eventually makes this Simpsons movie a great cartoon watcher. We definitely do see some new aspects of the Simpsons in which were not introduced in the tv series, for example, we see barts private male genital area, we also see Otto using a bong, and naturally a couple of other things. Leave it up to Homer to doom Springfield, using his pig tank, which is full of crap, and dumping it in the ultra clean lake which then turns into an ultra polluted lake. The 2d animations are once again top notch, in which they added a couple of little 3d elements, but in retrospect there isn’t much to say about the animations, all I can say is that if you’ve seen the newest episodes of The Simpsons then nothings changed a whole lot, its simply like watching an hour and a half episode on a big screen. The colour is a little different, definitely brighter, but sometimes for some reason the colour get’s toned down for a couple of seconds and the characters aren’t bright enough anymore, then a couple of seconds after that it comes back, it’s a very minor thing and doesn’t distract you that much.

The audio is very well done, it always amazes me to find out that 1 specific actor is responsible for 6, or more, different characters, in other words, six different voices. The music is composed by none other then Orchestral master Hans Zimmer which does a terrific job at keeping the music to its original Simpson vibe and adding a little spice to each music piece, the spider pig song will be a song to remember for ages. The sound effects are also very well done. Tom Hanks lends his voice for a couple of minutes in this film, and his ending quote after the credits is priceless. There are some jokes which aren’t very funny, sometimes they the voice actors try to hard to be funny and end up not being funny at all. Overall, greatly done on the audio side.

In the end, The Simpsons is still The Simpsons and Homer is still Homer, which is why Simpson fans shouldn’t miss out on watching this flick on the big screen.

7.5/10 - “We meet at last…Whoever you are.” -Homer Simpson

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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Vampires: Los Muertos Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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Derek Bliss (Jon Bon Jovi) is a hunter for hire, but you won’t find him listed in the Yellow Pages. He’s a vampire hunter, equipped with a veritable arsenal of wooden weapons designed to put the undead permanently at rest. Normally he works alone, but when a big contract comes up, he is forced to look afield for a team to take on the challenge of a truly dangerous master vampire who is afoot south of the border.

Written and directed by Tommy Lee Wallace, Vampires: Los Muertos follows up on John Carpenter’s Vampires, itself nothing out of this world but at least possessed of some originality. In the sequel, we get a fairly run-of-the-mill adventure set in the same world as the first film; it runs over the same narrative territory and even including some of the same plot elements, and certainly doesn’t offer anything new in either the vampire mythos or the overall storyline. But all the same, despite recognizing that most of it was unoriginal, I still found it to be a reasonably entertaining piece, and I don’t regret having seen it.

The main distinction between Vampires: Los Muertos and its predecessor appears to be that the second film is set almost entirely in Mexico. Considering that vampires have traditionally been seen as a European monster, it’s a welcome change of perspective. Of course, this perspective isn’t developed at all in terms of the storyline, but at least it offers a different visual setting. We get a sense of a land of small villages and monasteries scattered around in the great openness of dry, sun-baked plains, with the adobe architecture of the modern buildings contrasting with the stone of the pre-Columbian ruins underneath and around them. In one nice touch, the final showdown takes place on “el d

DOWNLOAD MOVIE Mummy, The Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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Mummy, The
Talos the Mummy Reviewed By the Grinch Posted 10/07/99 18:05:41

"’Lethal linen? More like dirty laundry!’" (Total Crap)

Okay, one question. HOW FREAKIN HARD IS IT TO MAKE A GOOD MUMMY MOVIE!? If they’re so intent on releasing GOOFY mummy flicks, why don’t they just go ahead and release "I Married a Mummy", or cast a movie where archaelogists discover a sarcophagus, they open it, and out comes Billy Mumy carrying a horrible plague with him: One of his scripts.Russel Mulcahy, how is thy movie like a Dirt Devil(tm) vacuum seton full power? Let me count the ways… Note-there will be an occasional spoiler or two…but I doubt I could ruin this for anyone! Now, let me get Dave Letterman in here to introduce my top 10 style list…Dave?Dave Letterman: "Haw haw, from our home office in Walla Walla, Washington, the top 10 things about ‘Tale of the Mummy’ that put holes in the plot bigger than the gap between my teeth!"Number 10: Attention Deficit Disorder attacks directors, film at 11! and 11:15, and 11:25, and midnight, and ooh, I love midnight, that’s the witching hour yknow, when witches come out to twirl broomsticks and bedknobs in their anus, do you like Halloween, I do, except for those candy corns, they get stuck in my teeth, then I have to borrow my Grandpa’s waterpick, and he hasn’t changed the water since Truman was president, Truman had weird skin, OH, I went to a dermatologist once, he told me I looked just like a topographical map of an army testing ground, has that happened to you, and…where was I?Number 9, erp, number 9, erp, number 9,erp…Sorry, NUMBER 9: Flying, sentient CGI toilet paper a cool effect does not make! Most of the action scenes are campy and goofy as hell. While I don’t think that was the intent, it does make you laugh. Salut! Most of the attack scenes involve the actors (and I use the term loosely) wrapping themselves in fly strips "oh no, the mummy’s got me, help! Arrrg!"…I kept waiting for Ed Wood to pop up and say "Cut! Print it, it’s perfect!"Number 8: Flashbacks that make about as much sense as the flashbacks I’m sure Charles Manson is having over in cell block 6.Number 7, 7 chipmunks, twirlin on a branch on my granpa’s ranch, 7!: CGI FX that make 1999’s "the Mummy" look like a masterpiece! Anyone with a Pentium and a videotoaster could’ve done better in many instances. Listen all you low-budget, direct-to-video producers out there…if you don’t have the bucks to at least give something a slick exterior, howsabout working on the convoluted script and storyboard a bit? How endearing are fat, ugly people who can’t spell their own name?…think about it…ok, DON’T think about it!Number 6: Shelly Duval…ohhhh, POPEYE! Shelly, baby doll, I love ya, but you should’ve thought about this before you agreed to do it. How embarraskins, ak kakakaka!…Number 5: Muddled dialogue (fitting, seeing as how the direction and script were muddled too) Many of the actors for some reason or another recited their lines through clenched teeth…maybe it’s a british theatrical thing "Core blimey, look, SEE?, me teeth ain’t crooked, mate!" The audio was so bad that halfway through I kept straining to see if maybe there were subtitles somewhere that I was missing.Number 4: The obligatory toilet scene attack…was this a tribute to "Ghoulies" and a thousand other cheap horror films, or were they just kicking a dead horse in the mouth? (yeah, I know that’s not a cliche, but it should be) It made me laugh, but was it supposed to? If it wasn’t, EVEN BETTER!Number 3: They killed off Christopher Lee in the first 10 minutes!? What the hell, why? Were they afraid to use a ‘real’ genre actor? My guess is that Chris read the script and told his agent "Bloody hell, this is horrid, but I’m strapped, so I’ll do a few scenes for 50K’s"Number 2: The predictability! Except for a couple of suprises, but at that point who could care less? Oh look, the buff single detective is working on a supernatural case with a beatiful , single scientist…I wonder what’s going to happen? Oh, look, the mummy’s next victim is going into a public bathroom and he’s using the linen-roll machine to dry his face, gee, I wonder what’s gonna happen? Flying killer mummy bandages aside, I find it very unbelievable that ANYONE would dry their face with a public towel. That’s like wearing European speedos to a porno theatre…well, okay, maybe there are people that do THAT! Not this grot, though, no siree (haha, I know some Aussie slang now! Be afraid.) Number 1: Maybe the most important thing, the incredibly lame premise. Jason S. Lee is an American detective in England?..Umm, why exactly is he there? It must’ve been explained in all of 2 seconds. Shelly Duval is a spiritualist who helps people have out-of-body experiences with a magic crystal? Wha? The script and dialogue were all over the place, like Rip Taylor in a romper room. Sheesh, if Rip Taylor had been in this throwing confetti, then it would’ve been good! "MuMmy’s CuRSe? Woho, thEn PuT SoMe SoAP iN tHeiR MoUths, ho ho! IT’s FuNNy!(confetti sprinkles)"This is one of those films that’s so humorously bad it’ll be a cult classic in 20 years or so, but right now, it’s just plain bad. Don’t be fooled by the first 20 minutes, it’s downhill from there, much like that *other* Mummy movie. Maybe good for a few laughs at a KY2K party, but I can’t really recommend it. I’ll give props out to Sean Pertwee for being a decent actor, and some gyrations in the direction of Louise Lombard for being downright babe-a-licious and for wearing a sports bra. But the only thing that could’ve saved this were some boobies, and alas, they never made a cameo. If it’d been called ‘Tail of the Mummy’, and Louise Lombard and Lysette Anthony had showed some skin, then it would’ve probably gotten a "Fucking Awesome" rating from me…but this is Hollywoodbitchslap, not Porndoggy’s Palace. Pshaw, even ‘Reanimator’ had some decent gore, a zombie cat, and a few T’n'A shots! But really….Leave this ‘Mummy’ under its cellophane wrapping.
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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Bloody Sunday Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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Bloody Sunday Reviewed By EricDSnider Posted 03/20/02 09:58:50

"A good movie about a terrible day." (Worth A Look)

I hoped "Bloody Sunday" would end with the U2 song of that name playing over the closing credits. I was not disappointed in that regard, nor, for the most part, with the film itself. A dreadful day in Irish history is given passionate, if somewhat flawed, treatment.Bloody Sunday — Jan. 30, 1972 — was the start of the modern "troubles" in Ireland. Politician Ivan Cooper tried to lead a peaceful march through the city of Derry, protesting the strict manner in which Britain was governing Ireland. During the march, British troops fired at unarmed citizens, killing 13 of them. A half-hearted investigation was made, and those responsible were never punished. Writer/director/cinematographer Paul Greengrass confines his film to the day itself. Whatever background is needed is given as we go; the consequences of what happened that day are left for other historians to tell. Greengrass employs a striking documentary style, which, combined with dead-accurate hairstyles and clothes, makes it so you’d never know the film wasn’t 30 years old, shot the day of the march. There isn’t even a musical score. Only the presence of some recognizable actors prevents this from looking like a very well edited home movie. The idealistic Ivan Cooper is played with earnestness and conviction by James Nesbitt. Other figures include a young Catholic rebel named Gerry, and various military personnel. The cast, composed entirely of British actors, is huge; one senses they knew they were re-creating an important moment of history and sought to enact it with intelligence and grace. It is hard to imagine staying with the film through its long pre-shooting stretches if one didn’t know the eventual outcome. There is a great deal of confusion — Greengrass forgets it’s possible to DEPICT chaos (which viewers like) without BEING chaotic (which turns viewers off). The ultra-thick accents are often difficult for American ears to decipher; here, the realistic style — which means not everyone has a microphone right next to his face — backfires a little. But when the action truly starts, and innocent people are gunned down, it is horrifying. No question, Greengrass is on the side of the Irish. If the British troops had any reason for believing what they did was right, that point of view is not expressed here.It is like a war movie, and also a bit like a disaster movie, where characters are introduced, trouble happens, and we see who lives and who dies. That it’s based on actual events and is a faithful retelling of them makes it all the more resonant.
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DOWNLOAD MOVIE Siege, The Just $2.99 for a complete movie! No additional software or browser plug-ins required! You can play them for unlimited number of times whenever you want. Downloaded movies will work perfectly on any PC, DVD player, PDA etc.
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Siege, The

Day two of the Toronto After Dark Film Festival brought a new Uwe Boll film, introduced by the man himself, to Toronto. Let’s face it, for many movie-goers and critics Uwe Boll and good filmmaking go together like Britney Spears and responsible parenting. “In The Name of the King…” is yet another video game adaptation from the director who helmed such widely reviled video game adaptations as “House of the Dead”, “Alone in the Dark” and “Bloodrayne”. He has more video game adaptations coming, and, at the current rate, I’m sure before long he’ll be bringing “Pong: The Motion Picture” to a direct to DVD bargain bin near you.

Hate or tolerate his films, one thing you have to respect is the fact that Boll stands by his movies. He paid his own ticket to be in Toronto to introduce his film and respond to questions from the audience. His Q & A was hosted by Rue Morgue’s Chris Alexander, the only critic to last more than one round while facing off with Boll in the “Maneuver in Vancouver”, where Boll, a former amateur boxer, challenged his biggest critics to get in the ring. The screening of “King” was followed by a preview of a documentary focusing on Alexander’s answer to Boll’s challenge and it looks like it will be a very entertaining film when it’s finished.

“King” is the story of Farmer (Jason Statham) a…farmer whose son is killed and wife is kidnapped by a marauding horde of creatures. Farmer and his friends (including the great Ron Perlman) set off on a quest to save her. Ray Liotta is a wizardy guy controlling the creatures in order to de-throne the king, played by Burt Reynolds, so that his nephew, played by Matt Lillard, can take over the throne. Throw in some massive battles, brutal combat, over-acting and heaps of cheese and you get this two hour and twenty minute sword and sorcery flick.

I’m sure a lot of people might dismiss this movie as a “Lord of the Rings” knock-off. Take away LOTR’s well-developed characters, meaningful dialouge, jaw-dropping special effects and they are missing a major piece that this movie has -> THE BURT. Reynolds is way over the top, as is Lillard and Liota as they try to have fun with their characters and dialogue. They are definitely not taking the subject matter too seriously and do their best to ham it up for the camera.

Now I need to be fair to this movie, it is actually entertaining, and superior to Boll’s previous efforts. The battle scenes are well executed and the fight choreography is great visual candy. On the whole the movie is a lot of fun, though a bit long (apparently there is a director’s cut which is an additional 45 minutes). The movie far exceeded my low expectations, and I have to admit I enjoyed it.

The special effects are a bit of a mixed bag, with some visually stunning effects, and other effects, such as the castles, looking too much like CG. If you like hand to hand combat and huge battles, it is worth checking out.

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I had an anecdote written for the opening paragraph of this review, but after reading it, I decided that it spoiled the movie somewhat.  Many viewers will probably be so wholly unfamiliar with the real-life events of the voyage of the K-19 that even if I were tell you that there are survivors or not would probably be seen as a spoiler to a good many of you, and I know that as someone who watched this not knowing either way, I appreciated the suspense.  Not that this film is a truly accurate account, as it is only inspired by real events, and features a very Hollywood-ized take.  Regardless, Hollywood fabrication or not, there are still enough moments of genuine drama and suspense to recommend K-19: The Widowmaker as a solid submarine adventure flick, even if artistic license is heavily employed.

Of course, the real-life events took place in 1961, at the height of the Cold War between the United States and the Soviet Union.  The K-19 was Russia’s first ballistic nuclear missile submarine, which was plagued with mishaps even before leaving to sea.  Captain Alexi Vostrikov (Ford, What Lies Beneath) was the stern commander, perhaps more concerned with image than in the welfare of his crew, or at least it seemed so by the men under his command.  The most damaging of accidents occurs when the nuclear reactor on board begins to break down, leaking radiation to all parts of the boat, and if uncontained, would result in a nuclear explosion that would dwarf Hiroshima’s in terms of power.  Vostrikov must ask his men to do the unthinkable in order to salvage the sub, but the men are in a mutinous mood due to his frequent challenges to their honor.

Director Kathryn Bigelow continues to break barriers for female directors in the genre of action films.  She’s made quite a few notable flicks in this area already, including Near Dark, Blue Steel, Point Break, and Strange Days.  K-19 falls right in line with these others, because in every case, whether or not the film was good or bad, you couldn’t tell it wasn’t directed by a man from Bigelow’s no-nonsense style.  This is probably her most ambitious project, with an all-male cast regarding events that women weren’t privy to in that era, yet Bigelow sees the drama for what it is, and good results follow.

It also takes some time to become accustomed to Harrison Ford’s attempt at a Russian accent, which would seem needless considering the film is entirely in English.  Just a minor quibble here, but there are very few people who would not pick up the fact that the actual men spoke Russian, even if everyone were to speak in perfect English.  By giving them all Russian accents, it actually might confuse more people, because it sounds like Russians attempting to speak English!  Despite the gripe, Ford does well in the role, giving the necessary stoic but stern inflections necessary throughout.  Liam Neeson (The Haunting, The Phantom Menace) and the rest of the supporting cast all add quality performances as well. 

K-19: The Widomaker is a good action film, much overlooked here in the United States, probably because we aren’t used to watching films with Russian heroes, and are especially skeptical with American and British actors portraying them.  However, for those who do venture to watch it, you will be rewarded with tense drama and intrigue, and a gripping true account of an event where the fate of humanity hanged in the balance. 

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Ring Two, The

The Ring Two (2005) / Horror-Mystery

MPAA Rated: PG-13 for violence, disturbing images, and language Running Time: 111 min. Cast: Naomi Watts, David Dorfman, Simon Baker, Elizabeth Perkins, Sissy Spacek, Gary Cole, Kelly Stables Director: Hideo Nakata Screenplay: Ehren Kruger (contains elements of the novel "Ringu" by Koji Suzuki)

 

It didn’t take me long to figure out the reason why The Ring Two isn’t nearly as effective as its predecessor, The Ring.  The makers of this film got caught up in thinking that it is the story and mythology that had people flocking to the theater in droves.  Actually, what people really went to the theater for was a good scare and nothing more, which the first entry provided again and again.  Horror sequels already have an uphill battle as it is, mostly because the horror behind all of the strange events have already been revealed fully in the first film.  Usually, to combat this, sequels try to crank up the gore and sensationalism to an even higher degree, but The Ring Two goes in the opposite direction by barely even trying to raise pulse levels.

The sequel finds Rachel (Watts, The Assassination of Richard Nixon) and her son Aidan (Dorfman, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre) out of Seattle, having relocated to the town of Astoria to get away from the memories and start anew.  Rachel is working for the local newspaper when she stumbles upon an uncanny news story involving a dead teenager and a strange but familiar videotape.  Rachel destroys the tape but the problems still persist, starting with the fact that Aidan thinks he can see young Samara, the horrific girl killer they thwarted in the past.  Soon, Aidan starts showing symptoms of something unknown, including a drop in his body temperature, as well as some new, odd behavior.  Once again, Rachel must get to the bottom of these weird events in order to try and stop them from consuming, and possibly ending, their lives.

If The Ring was just out to give you a scary good time, The Ring Two seems on a mission to lull you into meditative relaxation.  Not that I’m opposed to a different direction for a sequel — it is generally preferable to a rehash of the first film.  However, if the first film were like this, I’d never have to write a review for a sequel, since very few would have bothered to see it. 

I’m wondering just how many people were hoping to see more background to Samara and her tragic story at the conclusion of The Ring.  Obviously, the makers of The Ring Two think that it constitutes the vast majority of those who enjoyed the first film, so they have provided a few new twists to her story.  However, underneath all of that, The Ring Two is still the same "child possessed" horror film we’ve seen in many incarnations before, and even if it isn’t just a regurgitation of the first film, it is still quite derivative as these sorts of films go. 

As someone who didn’t really like the first film, I’m not surprised that this sequel also fell short in my book.  However, at the very least, I’m a bit disappointed at the marginal and very predictable thrills this one has to offer.  When the "scariest" moment of your film comes when a bunch of deer decide to open up a can of whoop-ass on a car, you’re doing something wrong. 

The Ring Two, like the plight that Aidan goes through, is a shell of its former self, the temperature noticeably cooled off to the point where it appears anemic.  Hopefully, like the mysterious tape itself, those who make decisions as to the franchise’s future will see the folly in making any more "copies" of the original in the future.

— The opening scene is a direct sequel to the events in Rings, a 16-minute short released as a bonus disc to the DVD of The Ring in 2005.
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